Such a battle can only exist when both sides have spoken their defense. Thus leaving the decision to be made to choose a side, which is the hardest thing to do. My dad told me that I am a late bloomer, essentially coming to my senses at an old age; I discover myself much later in life. When everyone knows what they want for life, I am still figuring out what to start with and with the age I am in, I am forced to make a decision even when I am not ready. Its like a baby stuck in an old man's body.
Yet in all these, I am fighting against so much inside that it is hard to begin setting them apart. My mind is never a friend of my heart and my heart takes advantage of my mind. Basically, in other words to describe the situation is to tell myself to grow up. Quit playing around with self-pity.
There is always hope as we believe. I can easily look at my situation and see that many people out there are going through issues that are so much more worst off than I am in. Following God is hard, so hard, yet I cannot find myself letting go of Him. The more dwell into life, the more I grow up, is the more I find myself lacking behind, slow, unworthy, insignificant, prideful, weak... so so weak in my heart and mind. I am nothing without God.
Times like these, I wish that God would take me away.
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