Deep at Heart

heal my heart and make it clean

open up my eyes to the things unseen

show me how to love like You have loved me

break my heart for what break Yours

everything I am for Your kingdom cause

as I walk from earth into eternity

~Brooke Fraser~

This morning I woke up with a burden in my heart, for the most part I knew what the burden was. I tossed and turned on the bed for over 15 minutes to try to sleep it off but my heart was hardened.

Remembering even as I type, that Jonah was a man called to bring the news of salvation and repentance to  Nineveh. But his heart was demotivated by the calling from God, simply due to personal justification of God's grace. Jonah knew God's heart but would not comply with the calling and he traveled further away from Nineveh. And so through the storms of the sea, nature took its toll and revered for if man do not act upon God, nature would shake in reverence to God.

My heart beat with no peace this morning and like the waves that threatens death, I gave in to the fear of the breaking of my heart and broke down in worship again. My sins are displayed all around me, my heart desires to find refuge and most importantly, my Spirit longs to give God worship that it has so long to give.

Even as I gave God worship last night, I only did it in reason for peace that only reign in one particular situation. But God has been knocking on my heart to give worship that is far over due. I was overwhelmed because I realized how much I owe Him and there is nothing to give, for even the breath I take and the strength that lifted my hands, all came from Him... what is there to give my God but my utmost surrender of my very being. Even that, I still long to to understand my God that brought me to tears in ways that I do not comprehend. As the scripture says that the Spirit moans where words cannot utter and here beside my bed, curled at the corner, I spoke of words and sounds that I could not understand but all I knew that worship needs to take place and there is no other way for if I do not give true worship, nature will...

Sometimes I forget the God I serve is one that is so much beyond my imagination. How foolish have I been with my thoughts and intentions and I am put into my place when His righteousness is made known... even the slightest bit of His glory that shines upon me would burn me up as it blinded Moses.