What life is this?

We all know life is hard. But it is harder when even more of our principles goes against the already difficult world that we live in... this in itself is nothing new that the life of following Christ is never going to be easy.

Last night I am brought to another revelation that has been buried deep inside, that the life of following Christ is hard, but the life of following Christ as a leader is even harder, further more... life of following Christ as a leader is not only harder, but also lonely.

Lonely never in the sense that a leader is finding him/herself alone but even in the midst of the crowd that they attend to, there is a sense of loneliness that follows through this responsibility. Christian leaders that supposedly follows Christ whole heartedly is bound by their teachings, their examples, their values, their lifestyle, their words, their relationships, their stewardship, their poverty and so much more... in other words... taking up leadership in line to follow Christ is a rather 'shitty job'

I am not withholding my choice of word here because there is a close proximate of the slang used in the word that could not be described any other way, any other words prove to be an understatement to the situation.

The demands that come from this responsibility is rather overwhelming, so much so that I am beginning to see Christian leaders to be more and more vulnerable and weak in many aspects of their lives, just to simply keep up with the demands. Even when I see a great preacher preaching his heart out, other aspects of his life is missing out to an above average life. In the sense that despite identifying a preachers ability to convey the message of scripture well, he sucks at other skills. Understand that each of us are given very specific gifts and talents, but somehow these preachers are hanging by with other aspects of life.

By all means, I am not trying to belittle any of these preachers or leaders, but rather coming to relate to them all the more with myself. I begin to see struggles to be all the more overwhelming coming my way and to think to myself that I have no idea how am I going to survive these obstacles with the resources that I have, resources in forms of financially, socially, spiritually and time is no where making itself an ally to me.

Then why on earth am I this doing this?... Why on earth are these idiots doing what they do with ministry?.. Why are they suffering through all these hardships, knowing its danger and circumstances?... What clicked in their brains to make such a stupid choice to go for this life long task?...

Romans 8:17-18