A Decade Worth of Pain

My Heart - Tait

I am still very human and despite the grace of God that has been covering me, I still feel hurt. I am yet to see the plans of God unfold, at least not this quickly. But at the mean time, wounds take time to heal, especially those come from deep rooted attachments. It comes to a point where it is even hard to tell people that are close to me about my pain because I want to suppress it and let it die inside. But I know that this is not how wounds heal and somehow I need to let go of this control and allow God to do it His way.

Proverbs 17:17 and 18:24 were verses that packed so much meaning for me in the past but now it is being put to the test and sometimes the results can be so disappointing. David expressed in Psalms 55:12-14 how painful it is when those we do not expect are the ones that rain hardship on us.

Even as nights I lay down to sleep, the thoughts come running into my head to haunt me. The nonsense that only builds bitterness inside of me makes me feel shut out in ways that no human can hear me inside. No one except for God alone. God is choosing not to reveal to me the reasons for the things that has happened but He does tell me that He is here with me and made known of His awareness of my breaking heart.