Well with My Soul

A moment to feel at peace...

Whenever I go out form my apartment and to walk the streets alone, I put on my earphones and play songs from my MP3 list. This essentially puts me to a state of thinking, letting the music guide my emotions.

Not everything has been great having to listen to tunes that are more uplifting reminds me to be a little more optimistic about my circumstances. But very often I find myself falling into a happy state that comes from a deep sense of pride. Because whenever I get to think over the things that I get happy about seems to revolve around the things that I am good at, my skills, the experiences that I have gained from my hard work. When I realized this, I found myself falling of the trail of happiness.

At that moment, I find myself to be filled with guilt and shame because the truth is that I am not he best at the things that I consider myself to be good. I am not the best musician, I am not the best cook, I am not the best artist, I am not the best designer, I am not the best storyteller, I am not the best preacher, I am not the best of a lot of things that I founded myself to be where I am.

But great are also these moments of fluctuating emotions as I begin to find myself being able to smile again. Simply because that I am at a place where I am not in destitute but in fact in a position that I am needed. 

So when I walk a lone thinking about the things that are happening in my life, I walk with confidence not because I am great at the things that I do. But I walk because my confidence is found in my revelation with God. There is a sense of relief that it is God that is actually doing the heavy lifting and I walk with an easy yoke because I am no longer tied down by the structures of the society but by the grace of God. 

I walk because I found peace with God walking with me through everything I do. I can forgo my music abilities, my cooking abilities, my artistic abilities, my listening abilities, my preaching abilities and whatever I think I do a decent job in because I can lose it all and find confidence because God's grace founded me and that is all that matters.

I am not competing with anyone else, I don't desire to be on the top, I don't desire to try everything that this world has to offer, I don't need to see everything, I don't need to go everywhere, I don't need to experience everything because the most convicting calling has given me more than I can chew on and I can be utterly satisfied with what is given to me and to what is just around me. 

I am happy that I have lived this long and to be at peace with God despite how messed up I have been in my pasts.