Self Denial

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, 

And lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge Him,

And He shall direct your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

I have this verse hanging on one of my shelves to remind me about the distractions of my own doing. Having a rough night with a flooding of fears that crept up on me in ways that I was not prepared for, I began to ration my way into dealing with the issues that surrounds me.

I had fears about myself that unveiled my insecurities in such a way that could paralyze me in so many ways. Sometimes I wish I could not care as much and not be affected by so many things like others. I wish that I can go on this life and taking things the way they are and move on but I cannot seem to do it as easily as others can.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart-
There is a sense to total surrender that cringes most people because we do not have faith with whatever we are surrendering. When I look to God, I constantly find myself asking myself how much am I willing to do the things that He wants me to do, which then leads me to ask myself how much am I willing to let Him take over me. This is one of the hardest struggle to this very day, where I place such confidence in who He is and what He can do.

And lean not on your own understanding-
I have come to learn that even the definition of wisdom has changed for me. I used to think that drawing wisdom from the bible was the ultimate wisdom we can get, where all that is being said in scripture is what we all should be getting from. But I learned that drawing from scripture is half of the way. I say this because even from reading scripture itself, I can still reason how to use the knowledge I find in it and knowing how to apply them; which is still dependent on my own understanding of it.

In all your ways acknowledge Him-
So then as more than just having knowledge from scripture, wisdom will only be complete with this act of acknowledging Him. Because without this aspect, wisdom will slowly turn into a formula that could be molded for general applications and forgo the seeking of the Giver of wisdom Himself. There is a reason why God does not state everything in scripture for us to follow because we have this tendency to follow blindly without going to Him. We fabricate remedies and solutions from one situation and apply it to all, then realized in the end that not every situation will be the same. When it says that the beginning of knowledge is the fear of God, that by itself speaks about the very first step to gaining wisdom, no matter if we feel or think that we have an idea what are we to do or proceed with the situation.

And He shall direct your paths-
Hope is what fuels this part of the verse. As great is this sentence is to the completion of wisdom, it is also one of the hardest thing to describe the workings of God in His revelations.

This verse is something I am hanging on very particularly because of my weakness of my own reasoning and fears. I am beginning to understand trust in a whole new way that beckons me to surrender so much more than what I am used to. It tests me from my knowledge, my thoughts, my emotions, my desires, my dreams, my purpose, my efforts, and most importantly, my obedience.

Lord, lead me...