Rediscovery

I have been in counseling for several weeks now and knowing a little about counseling, it sometimes takes about at least 4 to 5 sessions to uncover some of the issues that is hidden beneath before any constructive actions can be made. The first 2 weeks is more of assessing through taking several test and to check on my well-being, so it is pretty much answering hundreds of questions to which I enjoy doing them because I am eager to find out things about myself that I do not know about.

I don't know if I am being impatient but I feel like the sessions are going rather slow for me. The most common thing I am hearing in most of my sessions is "oh, so you are aware of this!" I know that my counselor is trying to get to know me at her own pace and figure me out but my eagerness makes me want to go further more quickly. Even though I do not feel this way when I am in session but I feel like so much more when I am at home and facing some of these thoughts about myself that leaves me hanging with no answers and no direction to find out what is going inside of me.

But interestingly enough, the sessions have led me to think about reevaluating some of the things I already know about myself and discover them again to see if there are any changes in me recently. So I did discover that I have change quite a bit.

I have noticed that in the recent 2 to 3 years, I have change quite a few things about myself that I never thought I would change consciously but I have. This in itself has led to a more enriched experience in life where I see God reveal so much of Himself in new ways. But this also has led me to think about whether these changes are deliberate things against my nature or rather discovering my true nature. What I mean is that was I changing myself to be something new from what I use to know myself to be or am I changing into something that is reflecting more closely to my true self.

I have been reading a book called The Return of the Prodigal Son, a story of which is rich with reflection of the story between God and us. But more than just the mere understanding that this parable talks about being lost and found by God through redemptive salvation, it is also a reflection of our walk with God that somehow the changes that has taken place is rather a way for God to point us back to where and what we were meant to be,

So much of the challenges that I have been facing for the past few years are somewhat a discovery process to point towards what I need to be changed into for His purpose. So much of what I faced has left me tempted to run away and ignore the hardship but much to what I know, God is somehow trying to tell me that I am about to be used for special purposes therefore He sends me through these challenges to draw me closer to Him for His sake.

I am eager to know myself and all that is within me. But to understand that is simply to understand God and His purpose for my creation. Discovery is not always a pleasant process, but it is truth that is needed to be faced.