Embracing Uncertainty

So very often I have remind myself that I am different...

I know that we are all unique in one sense of the other, it only affirm God's creativity and diversity. However, I have also come to learned that God allows for uniqueness, not for personal gain, but rather for His glory. Just as the blind man was born blind, unlike most of the people around him who have embraced the visual beauty of life since birth.

I am not confirming that I am one with the uniqueness alike the blind man but I do find myself just being very different among my friends since a kid. I have always remembered being the odd one out, whether out of my own doing, or simply just out of my control.

This trait has been going until today where I could not fit in well with things when others can do a better job than I do. And whenever I take advice that applies to the general society, I tend to fail a lot, but I only find success or thrive better when I find my own way to things.

Today, I cannot fully explain the workings of my heart. With advice and study about emotions and counseling, my heart has been both a strength and weakness of mine. But more to just being sentimental, I could not deny the workings of my mind where I have also been known for my thoughts, where being excessive, or just surprising.

Out of this, I cannot entirely fit into molds with the people around me. I only find true friendship with those that want something different from themselves, I realized that people that I have strong ties with are people that often challenges themselves. Maybe I am a challenging friend to be with, not that I wanted it to be that way because I often crave close friendships and relationships but I realized that I never will fit into the expected.

For the past few years, I have come to conclude that God has specifically made me to fit into understanding people and the workings of their hearts and mind. People have affirmed my skill to relate to people in their struggle emotionally and mentally. But I am now held back to that conclusion because there is something else that I am seeing or satisfied.

I am not satisfied with myself because I could be doing so much more. There is a good philosophy that Nike has owned, which is to "Just Do It," and I have learned its value but somehow that is still not enough for me.

I have appreciated the people that have come and gone in my life and the experiences that I have gained but I want more, and somehow the most cliche of it all seems to point me back to God again... which begs me to want to know Him more in His sovereignty and His will. I feel like God has brought me on a ride that does not settle because He wants me to see certain things. Even as I strive to want to settle down and live life like everyone else, God has not allowed me to do so till today, or maybe until the day I see Him face to face.

Do I have the endurance to wait this out?