2018

The deafening pop of fireworks outside reminds me that its another new year... and I have not been thinking much about it simply because there is little to look forward to.

2017 has been a year of painful waiting and anxiety, much that is far scarier than what I would anticipate. I felt like God broke me down in so many ways that I could not longer find myself standing up like I used to know how.

So much of what I faced for the past year has been rather problems that stem from my childhood or youth. I find myself going back memory lane and almost literally reliving those moments that I desperately needed to face. But what comes of it is that I am so weak and unprepared for so much about myself that is hidden deep inside.

My faith takes a deeper anchor than what I have experienced. Thinking that for the past 5 years it has been tough, but nothing compared to what seems to be coming this new year.

I am not being pessimistic about the future, I am simply stating my sense of challenges that is undoubted and clear to my undertaking. I am scared with almost every step of the way, fearing that I will never get over this but yet somehow find that my only hope is to walk through it and see how I will end up out of it.

My dearest partner is patiently waiting for me and I need to come to a point to bring myself to cross these challenges for her sake and for the sake of the gospel that is awaiting me.