The horrible thing about routine is that, when you have gotten used to something good, change disorientates the mind and at times, the heart.
I wake up in the morning and have unfamiliarity to greet me. Giving it about 2 to 3 seconds, then will I realize what that unfamiliarity is. I somehow feel weaker, trying to stand up and head for the bathroom... the weight of my heart changed, worst on days when I awake from the nightmare of the same reason for my heart.
God has been gracious with peace, helping me through certain patches of the day. I feel a little better getting out the door and on to the streets head to work, having an anticipation for something new of the day. But what I realized that there is nothing new under the sun. Even those that are new does not seem new to me somehow.
So when the moment I enter the office, I look forward to see people, talk to people, get into the mode of rushing through the work load. Funny how it seems, when I thought that I was efficient getting my work done rather quickly but ended up having my work to be corrected for my mistakes by my boss. Plus, having all those idle time in between tasks leaves my mind to wonder into my weary heart.
So even as people are still chatty during work time, it is a little relief to take my mind of my problems and just rest with the conversation. Unless the conversation runs into the realm of my sadness. But what is worst is the moment the clock hits 6pm and I reluctantly pack my stuff to head home. Not knowing what to expect as my routine after work has changed too. I eat at odd hours, eat odd meals. Finding myself wandering to different parts of the house where I have not been or notice before, which is not much at all.
It is also funny that I used to like to keep organized and tidy, but today I rather leave things the way it is; afraid of changing the way how the place looks. At certain time of the night, I would walk out to the nearby store but I wouldn't know what to buy. I would go on my computer, hoping to work on a little 'housing' project but not finding myself going anywhere with.
Routine changed. I no longer look forward to go home from work, never felt obligated to tidy the room. Never felt so hard to wake up in the morning.
I wake up in the morning and have unfamiliarity to greet me. Giving it about 2 to 3 seconds, then will I realize what that unfamiliarity is. I somehow feel weaker, trying to stand up and head for the bathroom... the weight of my heart changed, worst on days when I awake from the nightmare of the same reason for my heart.
God has been gracious with peace, helping me through certain patches of the day. I feel a little better getting out the door and on to the streets head to work, having an anticipation for something new of the day. But what I realized that there is nothing new under the sun. Even those that are new does not seem new to me somehow.
So when the moment I enter the office, I look forward to see people, talk to people, get into the mode of rushing through the work load. Funny how it seems, when I thought that I was efficient getting my work done rather quickly but ended up having my work to be corrected for my mistakes by my boss. Plus, having all those idle time in between tasks leaves my mind to wonder into my weary heart.
So even as people are still chatty during work time, it is a little relief to take my mind of my problems and just rest with the conversation. Unless the conversation runs into the realm of my sadness. But what is worst is the moment the clock hits 6pm and I reluctantly pack my stuff to head home. Not knowing what to expect as my routine after work has changed too. I eat at odd hours, eat odd meals. Finding myself wandering to different parts of the house where I have not been or notice before, which is not much at all.
It is also funny that I used to like to keep organized and tidy, but today I rather leave things the way it is; afraid of changing the way how the place looks. At certain time of the night, I would walk out to the nearby store but I wouldn't know what to buy. I would go on my computer, hoping to work on a little 'housing' project but not finding myself going anywhere with.
Routine changed. I no longer look forward to go home from work, never felt obligated to tidy the room. Never felt so hard to wake up in the morning.
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