Heart

I have been doing quite a bit of assessments about myself lately due requirements from my classes and so forth. There is a section that draws attention on how I project myself, which led me to recall some of the things about my past. Because I was so reserve when I was a teenager, I keep to myself a lot even in the hobbies and interests that I have. I only shared these interests with only a few people.

I remembered how music was a highlight of my abilities when I was a teenager. I remembered how cool it was being able to play the guitar at that age and how I could gain attention just because of that. I soon found myself drawn to exposed my abilities through playing in a band and performing in school. I soon begin to find myself doing the same with some other passions of mine and used it to gain attention and make friends.

All in all, it seemed rather harmless but seeing that I was such a reserved person, I could not go any deeper than my interests with other people and slowly finding myself fading back to solitude again. But I begin to discover that solitude was never to be forever, and that I discovered how I appreciated being with people and such. But even with all my talents, I could not get passed a deeper emotional need that I wanted from people. I find out that I was known by people only for my talents but nothing else. In fact, people know me more about my impersonal side as time went by and that my talents begin to lose its grip on people's attention.

At this point, I experienced a very low moment that I could not find purpose in myself and how I fit in to a bigger picture in this life. So much so that all my talents, passions and interests become meaningless. And all that is left is me as a person and I realized how much I needed to work on myself.

This began my journey of self discovery and its priority. But I could not discover myself on my own until I discover my purpose, and to discover my purpose is to essentially look to God.

After a period of time, I begin to suppress my talents. I am not hiding my talents and skills, I am just not putting it on the forefront. Sometimes I do not bring it up at all, and just connect with people with just who I am as a person and not what I can do. I began to crave and appreciate people who can love me for who I am inside and not for the things that I can do.

By all means, God did gave us talents and skills but those are given to serve others, to give Him glory and not just for ourselves. But what I am more focused on right now is discovering how I long for people's approval of my heart more than anything else. I have come to peace to be able to give up my talents, my skills and such just to treasure the abilities of my inner self and my heart. By no means that I only seek man's approval but what I am saying is that I want to be known and loved for my heart and not what I can do.

This post sounds rather shallow in many ways but I am rather humbled by a reminder that a person's heart is worth so much more than a person's ability. God calls those of willing hearts for him but not the qualified.

I want to continue to love people for their hearts more than anything else, because I realized that everything else is temporary and will fade away.