Want Me or Need Me

I have very little to say lately. Even as my mind races with thoughts, I can't seem to capture them down and just letting them run pass me by. 

All I have inside that seems to identify with them are songs and music. Songs and music are the only thing right now that slows everything down for me and make me look at my thoughts and inspect it at every angle. As if my thoughts are running this race of life so very fast and the only thing that catches their attention is the sound that I play, like a passer by on the street stopping for something he caught a glimpse through the store window. Like a store owner, my eyes would open wide and heart beating fast to see what these passing thoughts would do. Has anything peaked their interest? Would they step in? What can I do to make them consider at least a interest-selling conversation?

My thoughts are running and I fear interrupting them on their journey to somewhere important maybe. But more than fear of interruption, I am feeling tired to reach out. 

Just as I am tired to reach out to people now, I am tired to initiate my efforts and either everyone has something else urgent or other priorities. Even as people do say that they appreciate me reaching out to them, I found myself sitting back and let things be because I find myself unable to to approach anymore right now. 

I live my life for ministry and I live to be there for people in every way that I can. My heart is filled with joy whenever I can help someone, whenever I can love them and be of use to them. But I seem to find it more and more depressing to help people lately. Then I realized something different about helping people and the joy that comes with it. I realized that I find joy helping especially those that comes to me not because I can help them but that with me they seems to find comfort and joy. What I am simply saying is that there is now a distinction from identifying people that come to me for specific help and those that come to me because they want my presence in friendship.

God will always be there to help us, He has promised us things that He will not go back on. His love for us is beyond comprehensible and would slave for us in every way to bring us peace and joy. But more than anything else, He is most please when His people come to Him for His presence and who He is, rather than coming to Him for something He can provide and do.

So I beg myself to consider how much of a friend I have been to people, regardless of what I can do and give to them. Am I a good enough of a friend that people want to spend time with me or are people just coming to me because I have something that they need...